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Thursday, March 23rd, 2006
5:13 pm - i don't even know why i'm still on this thing...
mostly for natalie and becky (if you still check it. probably not.) and alex.
update: classes are cool for right now. i'm bored out of my mind. i should be reading for my "indigenous people of latin america" class but the book hasn't gotten here yet. gulp.
my dad had surgery on his foot this past winter. they chopped half of it off. we like to call him "gimpy" and "stumpy" and nicknames of that nature, which, i guess sounds pretty callous of us, but if so, you don't know my family that well. hell, he started it.
i've washed my hands of boys. too much f-ing work.
i'm going to an internship fair in april. hopefully i'll get a job in chicago cuz it'd be pretty freakin sweet to live there.
made some new friends. they're all boys. and they don't notice when i'm pretty, which sucks, but they're fun to hang out with.
i miss a lot of the people from last year.
it's still cold here. damn.
that's all. see, my life is boring to everyone except me. and even i get bored sometimes. like right now.

current mood: bored

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Monday, May 30th, 2005
10:24 am
HASH(0x8cc20bc)
~Aphrodite~
In matters of love, you are all-powerful.


Which Famous Seductress are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

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2:58 am - first entry in over a month!
wow, i can't believe it's been so long since i've written! um...let's see, it's miles' and my four month anniversary...longest relationship i've ever had...i'm going to miss him this summer. we're going to try to stay together, but i've never been the best at long distance relationships.
right now, i'm supposed to be writing my final. i've got, like, 10 more pages to go, but i really have nothing left to write. i'll just elaborate A LOT!
excited about going home. this summer i'm working a lot but i'm also going to spend a lot of time sunbathing in the backyard or painting my room. exciting! AND...my parents are going on a two-week vacation to hawaii and my brother will be staying with my grandparents in nebraska so i have the house to myself!! unfortunately, miles' father is in town, so he won't be coming over and staying...unless he gets a job in des moines...ya never know. he hasn't found one in galesburg and he asked me to ask my mother if there was a job open at the paper she works at.
next year @ college i'm living in furrow. my roommate is emily jensen, who i don't really know, but she seems really nice. and i'm living in a suite with only two other rooms, one of which is filled by jessie and laura. which means i only have to share a bathroom with 5 other ppl, instead of 11. nice. and, i'm only on the second floor! and apparently, emily and i managed to snag the largest double room on campus, according to craig southern. yay! and, it's a corner room!
downside...richard is living above us...yuck...i think i can avoid him, though.
ok, back to work...

current mood: strangely awake

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Saturday, April 9th, 2005
3:53 pm - Bingefest by myself...
Yeah, one of those days where I'm just gonna lock myself in my room and eat. Sounds healthy, right? But I really honestly don't care right now. Feeling annoyed by everyone right now. Maybe I'm being oversensitive but it feels like it's Diss-on-Meagan day. Yeah, not so much fun. So I came back from the c-store with a crap load of food and I put my mac and cheese (dinner) in Laura's fridge and Jessie was like "Where have YOU been?" and I felt like saying "None of your damn business" but instead I just said "The C-store." And then I said (just trying to make small talk) "They have cookie dough at the c-store. I'm psyched!" And Jessie said, "Did you get some?" And I said, "Yeah" and she was like "You know you're totally giving me some." And I just didn't like her tone. So I said "Um...no. Sorry but this is one of those binge days" and shut myself in my room. But now I'm feeling guilty cuz she's shared cookie dough with me before, so I'm gonna go over there and stick it in the fridge and tell them to help themselves, but don't finish it. Anyways, that's all. I kinda like being isolated right now. I'm diggin' it.

current mood: angry

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Monday, April 4th, 2005
10:15 pm - Lifetime movies, man...intense...
They always make me so angry. Because most of the girls in them can't stand up for themselves for 95% of the movie. So I'm angry for 1 hour and 55 minutes. But that last 5 is so worth it. SO WORTH IT.
I just got a campus job! Unfortunately, it's @ 6am again. Which will be kind of a bitch, but I'll get used to it. As long as I get plenty of sleep. Which is not something that I'm doing right now. I should be reading Dante and then trying to sleep. Ok, I'm ending this. Sorry about the short entry.

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Friday, April 1st, 2005
8:19 am - ROOM TO MYSELF! HELLS YEAH!
So, I rearranged my room last night. All by myself! (Well, except the bedframe. I needed Jessie's help with that because it's impossible to move with just one person. Otherwise it'll fall apart.) But I moved everything else and took apart my bedframe (which was really hard) and moved my heavy ass desk. I felt like an Amazon warrior. Ai-ai-ai-ai-ai!!
So, what I did with the bed was I kept Allie's lofted bedframe and moved it in front of the double windows but I took down her mattress and mine and stuck them on the floor under the bedframe. And I'm going to drap some pretty cloth across the top of the frame, so it's like a canopy bed. I'm PSYCHED! Only down side is I need queen-sized sheets to fit over both mattresses. And right now, I don't have them. And the mattresses keep sliding apart so Miles and I are still sleeping on just one mattress.
I'm also just glad because Allie is gone. We were both so passive aggressive towards one another. It was ridiculous (or ridonkulous, to quote Jessie.) And after she was so loathe to loan me her car when I needed to go to the hospital @ 5am, and the things she told other people afterwards, like I was such a burden on her when I was so sick (and I never once asked her to take care of me. I didn't bother her at all. I just lay comatose in my bed for three days straight.) I just felt like she honestly didn't care about me at all. And when I feel that way, I get bitchy in a passive aggressive way. I did a couple bitchy things to her that won't be mentioned here because, well, I'm a little ashamed. But so vindicated.

current mood: excited

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Monday, March 14th, 2005
10:47 pm - Hoorah for spring break
Lovin' spring break, as of right now. Natalie seems comfortable around my family and she adores Sarah and Lydia, so that's awesome. And we're redecorating my room over the break too. I've started cleaning it, and then Natalie and I are going to paint the walls yellow. Oh, and my mum bought me these kick ass new lamps. A tall one for the floor and a shorter one for my bedside table.
Natalie and I went out to the mall today and I found this awesome green striped dress shirt that looks amazingly attractive on me. I thought of Miles when I bought it because he always wears these dress shirts he looks so hot in. I miss him. It's just not the same sleeping in a bed all by myself.
On the 29th, it will be two months that we've been dating. That's a crazy thought. But we promised each other we weren't going to start celebrating anniversaries until four months. Because during your first three months of dating, your body emits these hormones that just make you crazy about the other person (for the sake of reproduction, i suppose.) But after three months, your body stops producing those hormones, so that's when you decide whether you want to really be with that person. Hence, the celebrating-the-four-months-anniversary things.
Anyways, I've got some more cleaning to do, so I'll end this.

current mood: Missing Miles

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Saturday, February 26th, 2005
5:47 pm - I am SOO ready to go home...
I'm ready to go home and be with people who really care about me. I know if I was ever in real trouble or even just feeling down, Sarah and Lyd and Peter would be there for me. The only person here who I feel the same about is Becky, but she went back to Jersey.
Ok, going to dinner. Excited about food.
Oh, for those who frequent my diary, Miles and I are ok now. Everything's kosher. So yay for that. Although sometimes I feel like it's not real. Like, this will never last, it's silly to have this illusion of security up. Anyways, gotta go.

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Thursday, February 17th, 2005
12:29 pm - Honeymoon is over.
Wow, I thought the honeymoon period wouldn't end until at least a month. But no, it's over NOW. Miles is always talking about how he wants an open and honest relationship and wants me to talk about EVERYTHING. But then I found out that he's been a little shifty (not cheating level shifty, but damn close) and hasn't told me about it. I had to find out through my friend. I hate finding out about shit my boyfriend did through friends. It's definitely been a problem in the past. And maybe I didn't make that clear enough for Miles. He is a fucking hypocrite. I am really angry right now.
It just makes me angry at myself too because I believed all those sweet little lies he whispered to me when we were in bed. And I know that they are bullshit. I KNOW THAT. I learned the hard way sophmore year. But apparently it's not stuck in my brain cuz I keep believing them. I see men as I want to see them.
Blah...
On the bright side, today is Thursday. Which means tomorrow is Friday. Which means getting trashed. I didn't want to yesterday, but today I do. Damn I would like to get trashed. Right now.

current mood: pissed off

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Wednesday, February 16th, 2005
4:37 pm - here's another one!


Your Seduction Style: Siren / Rake





You possess an unbridled sensuality that appeals to many.
The minute you meet anyone, you can make the crave you almost immediately.
You give others the chance to lose control with you... spiraling into carnal bliss.
A dangerous lover, you both fascinate and scare those you attract.


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4:32 pm - good, dirty fun!


You Are Rum



You're the life of the party, and a total flirt
You are also pretty picky about what you drink
Only the finest labels and best mixed cocktails will do
Except if you're dieting - then it's Diet Coke and Bicardi all the way



Yay for rum. It's cool.

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Monday, February 7th, 2005
8:30 pm - Um...stuff
So I went home last weekend and Sarah and Lyd threw me a "Loss of Virginity" party and they made me breakfast with bacon and waffles with whipped cream and syrup and MANGO JUICE!!! And then they gave me a Cosmo and lip balm and mints and a notebook with condoms stuck to the front. It was cool.
Unfortunately, I've used most of them. I'm really sore right now. Ow...but it was worth it. Miles has been uber-all-over-me ever since I got back. Apparently he really missed me...or at least my vagina. Ha.
That's all. I'm out.

current mood: confused about lots of things

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Friday, February 4th, 2005
12:53 pm - GOING HOME!!
I'm so psyched!! I get to see my family and Sarah and Lyd and I get to go to Perkins and eat chicken and cheese quesidillas and I'll go to Java Joes and hang out and I know Hawk and LT Smash and I will get some movies and pizza and breadsticks and maybe some chicken wings and just veg one night. YAY!
I will miss Miles though...but it's only for the weekend so whatever.
SOOO EXCITED!!

current mood: oh boy oh boy!!!

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Sunday, January 30th, 2005
10:32 pm - Not sure how to look at this
Isn't it funny how you think people are one thing, and they suddenly are something completely different. For example, Steve (aka, Captain. I'm not even going to bother with the nickname) He turned out to be a complete douche. I didn't like the way he acted the entire time. He was loud and obnoxious and stupid. And he kept saying these really random stupid things that I guess were supposed to impress us but just made him sound like the tool he is.
I lost my virginity to him. Which isn't really a big deal, but I thought he might have had the decency not to make some random hook up a few hours later. But I guess decency is not his strong suit.
And his friend! His friend Nick has to be the most RIDICULOUS person I've ever met! He left his cell number for Becky tho, and we had a good laugh about it.
And they stole my condoms. How ironic is that? As soon as I lose my virginity, my condoms get stolen. Funny...
But the night was not an entire waste because it brought Miles and I together. If Steve hadn't been, well, himself, I never would have ended up hanging out with Miles. We went out to dinner tonight. And that was fantastic. He's @ a TKE chapter meeting right now, but he's supposed to call me after it's done. I think I'm going to go do some homework.

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Monday, January 24th, 2005
4:28 pm
I'm in a crazy good mood today. Everyone else is down, but I'm fantastic. And this is horribly selfish, but I really don't want any of them to bring me down, so I've kind of been avoiding a lot of people. I know, I should be comforting them but I do that all the time.
I need to call Sarah. Just to see how life is going. I definitely called her on Friday night, but it still feels like forever. Because I used to know her every flux in emotion, and now I don't. I don't know all of those little unimportant details of her day that I miss and love. I miss her, but I'm still in an amazing mood right now. Let's hope it stays that way!
I really should be working on my creative writing story right now. Shame on me.
Ok, I'm going...

current mood: happy

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Thursday, January 20th, 2005
9:07 pm - Yeah, I'm stupid...
So, and this is a little thing, but Jessie and Kelly and Allie and I are sitting in the lounge and Jessie is looking through Nats ITunes and went "Huh...that's an odd name for a band"
Me: "What?"
Jessie: "The Catheders"
All: "Oh"
Me: "My dad has a catheder"
Kelly: "That's GROSS!"

And maybe she meant the band name was gross, but it made me angry because it's like she's saying my dad is gross. And I'm very protective of my daddy. I love him. I almost said "It's not like he chose to have the catheder. He needs it to do dialysis or he'll DIE"

current mood: cranky

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Wednesday, January 19th, 2005
9:20 pm - Sick as a dog
I think I have a fever. It sucks. I just hope I get over it before I go to Chicago. So Peter doesn't have to take care of me and I can go party. I'm just so tired right now. I'm definitely going to bed @ 11, if not sooner. That'll be nice.
Listening to The Cure right now. They're awesome.
I should be working on my story for creative writing, but I'm not.
I'm not in a very good mood right now. I don't know why. I suspect it's the raging hormones, but you never know. I could be crazy.

current mood: sick

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Tuesday, January 18th, 2005
4:48 pm - Something fun!
Here ya go! Since I'm way bored...

Firsts
First Best Friend: Lindsey somthing-or-other
First Car: (and current) Maroon 2001 Saturn
First Kiss on the lips: Doug (in preschool...)
First Real kiss: Mike
First Break up: Mike
First Screen name: kinkypink115
First Self-purchased album: The Cranberries, To The Faithful Departed
First Funeral: either my old nanny, Thelma or my cousin, David. I can't remember which came first
First Pet: Zach and Joey, a couple of rats
First Love: Mike
First Enemy: um...I don't think I've had any "enemies" I just dislike some people.
First Big Trip: England, Ireland and Scotland in 2003
First Music You Remember Hearing In Your House: The Police

Lasts
Last Car Ride: Last night with Natalie and Jessie to Taco Bell
Last Kiss: Steve
Last Good Cry: A little over a week ago, when drunk.
Last Movie seen: Either 10 Things I Hate About You or I Accuse (a Lifetime movie with John Hannah)
Last Beverage drank: Coke
Last Food consumed: An apple, right at this moment
Last Crush: (and current) Steve
Last Phone Call: Sarah
Last Time Showered: 2pm today
Last Shoes Worn: Black chucks
Last Item bought: A shit load of Taco Bell.

current mood: crazy libido...

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4:33 pm - Woah, what crawled up my butt and died??
I am in a fantastic mood right now and I just read my last entry and I was like "damn, that was pessimistic" How ridiculous am I? If things work out with Captain, great. If they don't, not the end of the world, although he is pretty fantastic.

current mood: chipper

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Monday, January 17th, 2005
10:11 pm - Oh Captain, my Captain
So, I met a boy. We'll call him Captain. And I've kinda fallen for him. Which sucks ass. He told me he's never connected with anyone like he has with me. And I've been kind of giddy until today when I realized that I'm just fooling myself. My life is NOT a fairy tale where I meet the perfect guy and we work through the long distance thing and I actually have a decent relationship for once, so I don't know why I insist on believing that will happen. It's not like I won't try. I just don't have a lot of faith in the future.

current mood: discontent with life

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